Confessional

The past 8 years have been absolutely the most intense years of my life. 2 combat tours to Iraq (1 combat wounded) along with a pretty tough mental battle with diagnosed PTSD and traumatic brain injury (TBI,) has pretty much driven my interest into the metaphysical. Part of this battle is coming to correct terms with the physical. I credit the person I am to my friends, family, music (hardcore especially), TMI and Fluoxetine (Prozac). I had to make a tough decision to go on anti-depressants after I realized that my fears and paranoia were manifesting into my own reality, causing some pretty extreme delusions.

The combination of constant research, reading, mediation, exploration into OOBE/ lucid dreaming and open-mindedness, has led me to the state I am now. I feel the best I have in 7 years. I have always tried to maintain a positive attitude, but as I would look back into the past over the last couple years, the past seemed very dark, which in turn caused my future to seem the same way. I knew deep down that these perceptions were cause of what I experienced in Iraq. But these feelings were so heavy and real that I knew I had to break through some tough belief barriers to get myself back to a stable mental state that I feel I am finally reaching.

There's so many corridors for you to explore
Just when you think you've seen it all, you find something more
Always one more isle to pursue in this department store
Just be sure you don't forget to purchase what you came for

Take a look around do you like what you see
A vast ocean of opportunity
You can always make a change if your view does not suit you
So many splendid paths from which to choose
You can't lose

Stumbling through the world one day I met a man of depth
He was kind and spoke wisely this is what he said
"For what it's worth life's worth the wait
Try to sample life from many plates
Paint your life use palates with many paints
And in gold you'll be worth your wait"

Lose sight of yourself for a while
And act foolishly just like a child
Make sure you live your life out of style
Break free from the rank and file

An endless storybook always another page
And each chapter can end the way you choose
You've been cast the leading role and your whole life's a stage
Experience is the one thing you can't lose
You can't lose - 98 Mute

This is the background story of this blog. Those who know me, know I am always willing to help and give advice to anyone who asks. So feel free to ask through facebook, email or this blog. tobiascore@hotmail.com

The Monroe Institute
Hardcore
Prozac (Fluoxetine)

Toby